Fields of Innocence
by Scritch
Summary: Suicide note. After Ginny was raped, her life began to slowly unravel... to the end of her blade...


**Fields of Innocence**

How do you begin a suicide note?

There's no rules to follow. They don't teach us in school what to say before killing yourself. I could write "the final will and testament of Ginevra Weasley". Or I could save a lot of ink and just say "Fuck you, everyone. Have fun in this hell you call life."

That last one sounds the most honest. But then again, I guess you deserve an explanation before I pull the trigger. Only Harry or Hermione, and maybe the twins, will know what that means. Maybe it's better that way. There's a reason for all of this. Its not just mindless actions. I could be horribly stoned and still not be stupid enough to just leave it all behind. Don't gasp, Mum, I discovered drugs long before the twins did canary crèmes.

_I still remember the world_  
_From the eyes of a child  
__Slowly those feelings  
__Were clouded by what I know now_

__

You're wondering where I learned to be so rude to my elders. Surely I didn't get it from Dad's side of the family? But that's what's so ironic, isn't it? I was always the youngest. The good child. Daddy's little girl and Mum's darling baby. I'm not a child anymore, despite what you think. I've always been the sweet one, the innocent one – no matter who else fails, I shall remain.

Funny, then, that I'm the one to go first.

It started about a year ago, you know. I wonder if you've noticed the differences since then. Has my change of behaviour been only in my eyes, or did you see something else there? How the puppy dog eyes went from childish to adult. Has it all been my imagination? Oh god, I wish it was, but the scars remain.

And the scars never lie.

_Where has my heart gone  
__An uneven trade for the real world  
__I want to go back to  
__Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all_

__

Now you're thinking back to the time in my first year. Could the influence of Tom Riddle and his diary gone deeper than we all realized? Perhaps he had come back and possessed me again – maybe, just maybe, he's possessing me now, and it's not Ginny whose writing these words.

Welcome to reality.

You know who he is. The one who ripped this all away from me. You've heard his name once or twice. Name "Severus Snape" ring any bells? I guess he couldn't really cure all his Death Eater tendencies. Or maybe he just likes little girls. He always was a greasy git. I just never would have thought he'd go that far. Curses I can deal with. Hell, I've taken sexual harassment before. But that word: "rape." It's so blunt. Everything about it is cold and painful and so razor sharp, I wince just forming each letter.

'Severus Snape: downfall of Ginny Weasley.' It sounds so dramatic. But is there any other way to tell it?

_I still remember the sun  
__Always warm on my back  
__Somehow it seems colder now_

__

How do you express a multitude of emotions on a single piece of paper? Can you feel the anger of my words? Can you begin to fathom the immensity of this moment, the one I've been waiting to happen for months? I've cried so much at night, and you've never heard me. You never wanted to. It's called selective hearing, only you've extended it to sight and touch, as well. The wounds have been there, right in front of your eyes, and you never saw them. You brushed them with your fingertips, and never felt them.

What I can't understand is why. The who, what, when and how don't matter, but the why.

To my family: I loved you. But you let this happen.

_Where has my heart gone  
__Trapped in the eyes of a stranger  
__I want to go back to  
__Believing in everything_

__

The blood you see on the page isn't the first to be spilled myself or anyone else. But it is the first drop of what I'd like to call the End.

I'll level with you before I pick up the knife. This isn't my first choice. I want everything to go back to the way it was. But you can't turn back time. That's another why, and I don't know the answer. Why can't we turn back time? The only conclusion that I can draw is that God does not exist. And nobody gives a shit whether or not life is fair.

_Where has my heart gone  
__An uneven trade for the real world  
__Away  
__I want to go back to  
__Believing in everything  
__Away_

__

I am afraid to die. But even more, I am afraid to keep on living.

_I still remember…_


End file.
